Key Takeaways
- Why Tanel struggled to succeed with his initial online business, as well as his first membership site — and what he learned from these challenges.
- The moment Tanel realized he didn’t need to be everything to everybody, but could provide a hugely valuable service to people facing the same challenges he faced as a parent.
- How Tanel finally launched to an excited audience and the strategy he employed from his sales career to build momentum and get his message out.
- What Tanel is doing to break generations-long patterns of parenting to create better relationships.
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Memorable Quote
If you’re confident that you can provide value, then you will find success eventually.” – Tanel Jappinen
Episode Resources
Tanel Jappinen WebsiteTranscript
Read The Transcript
Shelli: Tanel Jappinen, thank you so much for joining us on the It’s A TRIBE Thing podcast. How are you? Tanel: Well, I’m doing great. Thanks, Shelli, for having me. Shelli: It’s my absolute pleasure. I had a chance to speak with you about what you’re up to in the world and super inspiring, super inspirational, and there’s going to be a lot of takeaways for everybody listening too. So, I’m hoping you can start with who you are, who you serve, and how that came to be. Tanel: All right. I’ll take a long route to answering this question. Right now, I serve parents and I help parents move away from the power struggle within your family unit, with your kids, and form genuine, authentic relationship with your kids as I see this being the foundation of parenting. I do this with my 12-month peaceful parenting membership. So, that’s what I do now, but five years ago I didn’t even have – just it was a very different life. I was a sales professional, and I have been in sales since I turned 20 and I quit that job when I first became a dad. It just required a lot of traveling and being away from home. So, while I was still working there, I started blogging about looming parenthood and fatherhood and then I ran that blog for more than a year in our home country in Estonia. Since I have been working in an English-speaking environment, I was working for a US-based company for more than 10 years, so I started podcasting about parenthood or about being a new dad and the struggles, the challenges, and adjustments to be made, and so on. And I ran that podcast for a year-and-a-half and I was trying to make this or get this podcast to support my family financially, and that just wasn’t happening. I even took a year off because we had some decent savings. I took a year off to focus on my family and to focus on the podcast and I wasn’t able to land any sponsors to my show and I had to go back to work about two years ago. So, I was working 18 months for somebody else in sales again up until mid-May 2018 when I decided to quit my job and focus on this parenting thing since we started seeing a lot of challenges in our own home life and family. Although I had been, I would say, fairly conscious about my parenting decisions and the way I want to bring up my kids, I still have a lot of mental baggage or luggage from my own childhood, so I decided to take a parent coach certification program and I got that certification last year in January. So, after that January, I quit my job in May. We had savings for another nine months and so I just started to do some preparation work for the membership launch this November in 2018. Shelli: So, when you were traveling and away from your family so much with your sales job, what was it about, I guess, here’s my question. It’s interesting how people view being an expert and having expertise and I often hear people say things like, “Oh, you know, who am I to be teaching that? Or who am I to be giving other people advice? I’m not an actual expert,” but in actual fact, you just need to be a few steps ahead of those people that need your help. And I’m interested to hear so when you are making your transition from your full-time sales job, obviously, you were being pulled and called to parenting and all of the things you are learning and all of the expertise you had both as somebody who’s working through their own childhood stuff and then what you’re seeing that works and doesn’t work and how effective it can be as a new parent. What was the defining moment when you realized sales was not going to be your thing, but you actually wanted to see if you could make this love of teaching people how to be peaceful parents your thing? Tanel: Well, I think the main push came from just not wanting to be away from my family and just I wanted to be self-employed, so I can work from home and I can set up my career or my job or my work around my family’s needs, not the other way around. Shelli: It’s beautiful. Tanel: I quit my sales job when our little one, or the older one now, we have two kids. The older one was 10 months old, was when I quit the job, so I had experienced that the more traditional way as well, so I was required to work quite a bit, I was required to travel, and I didn’t still want to be away from my family. I didn’t want to be the Sunday dad or the weekend dad or whatever. So, that was the initial push and just not being because I’m not like a Ph.D. or whatever. I haven’t spent in this parenting niche for a decade or whatever. It’s an inner battle still for myself. Intellectually, I understand that I don’t need to be all and all for everybody because, I mean, Lebron James was regarded one of the best basketball players of our generation. He still has coaches. He has a nutritionist. He has a physical therapist. He has basketball coaches, strength coaches, whatever. Shelli: Absolutely. Tanel: So, I don’t need to be everything for everybody but then again sometimes I still do struggle with it especially when I’m having a hard time at home with my own family at times. It’s just sometimes I do have this imposter syndrome coming back or coming up and just, “Man, who am I to help other parents if at worst during the worst times I can’t handle my own family. Shelli: Well, I guess that’s part of what makes you so successful is not your PhD because that is not the thing that’s required but what is required is the relatability and the experience and the fact that the struggle is the connective tissue between people and the fact that you’re not just standing on the mountaintop telling people how to be a great parent but actually in the trench with them, saying, “Hey, I know what that feels like and here’s what I tried that works and building a community of people that are kind of holding each other up as well.” I’m interested in going back though to what you said you started with a blog then you segue to a podcast and you were looking to make the podcast the thing that supported your family. I’m wondering if you can share with us what that looked like and what ultimately led you to instead of making the podcast be the thing that allows you to be home and be a full-time dad to your kids, how it became the membership site that filled that space? Tanel: Well, I started learning about the online businesses just before I started the podcast, so I had a lot of things to learn, so I figured that there is a way and there a lot of podcasters that feed their family with just podcasting and sponsorships and so on. But at some point, they just figured out that whether it is my niche just new dads that are looking for some support or something else, but just the audience wasn’t big enough to actually attract big-time sponsors and I did attend two conferences as well where I got to meet potential sponsors, got some leads but wasn’t able to lend any sponsors. And I did create the course as well for new dads, how to manage the stress. I took about two or three weeks to put that together with no prior validation. I spent about $1,000 to $1,500 US dollars and I generated $150 saved. Shelli: Wow. So, what was it though that when you launch your membership site? So, you realize the membership site was going to be the solution for you having this lifestyle. What was different about the failed launch that you have previous and then what you went on to do with the membership site now? Tanel: Well, it’s still a long process. I don’t know if I’m a slow learner or something because I first heard about somehow Stu McLaren his TRIBE course came into my orbit. The very first time he launched I think it was 2016 fall and I signed up. I tried to do a membership site for new dads. That didn’t take off either. I didn’t launch but I was just trying to put these things together and then that was about the time when I run out of savings, I decided to go back to work. And then while I was working full-time, I still had the TRIBE thing kind of back of the head and when I started having these struggles, parenting struggles with own two-year-old when she was getting to an age where she was figuring out that she’s her own being and she can do something else versus what we say or ask her to do. Shelli: Right. They’re like, “Hang on a minute.” Tanel: Just this first stage of independence and that is… Shelli: Absolutely. Sure. Tanel: So, that’s when I figured out, “Man, I wish I had a membership site where I had a supportive community to go to. So, just I was looking for a community and I signed up for a couple of English-speaking communities, parenting communities, membership sites, and there was nothing like this in our market. Shelli: Isn’t it incredible, though, that you created the exact thing you needed and realize that other people needed it too? Tanel: Well, I think a lot of people do that that they just scratch their own itch. Shelli: Yeah. Absolutely. For sure. I’m curious to know, like now that you have a membership site that’s set up and you’re no longer the traveling salesman and you’re no longer the dad that swoops in on a Sunday, how is your life different in terms of your family life and what you’ve created, that it can look like to be a dad on your own terms? Tanel: Well, we’re still kind of adjusting to the new lifestyle. When we record this just about 30 days ago or 28 days ago, I opened cart for my membership so we’re just about a month in to this thing so right now we’re still… Shelli: Congratulations. That’s awesome. Tanel: The new reality, but I can just share what the first month has been because I had, just to give you little a backstory as well, I decided to quit my job in May before having actual income from my own business, mostly because of my wife’s depression. I wasn’t able to support her, help her raise the kids because I was working full-time and she was staying home, and the work full-time and then build this site. I tried that for three months and I just burned out. So, I took the leap and just quit my job in mid-May and I was doing the preparation work in the summertime and in the summertime in Estonia nothing really in parenting niche. Nothing really moves in summer, so I just did the preparation work. And I started the Facebook community August 1, so I had no audience in Estonia market prior to August 1. I started the Facebook group August 1 and I started my email list September 20. And I very quickly understood the first – my message resonated with the people because I was fairly raw and authentic. I didn’t shy away from sharing about my own struggles as the Facebook group in first month by September 1 it had grown to 995 members. Shelli: Whoa! Tanel: And by the time I opened cart in November 6, it had 5,000 members. Shelli: That’s incredible. Tanel: And my email list I started September 20 and by the time I opened cart, the email list was 2,300 emails. Shelli: That’s incredible. Tanel: And one of the things that help me mail the messaging is starting from mid-September to mid-October, I held 21 live workshops in local kindergartens for free and I did that in 33 days when I had 21 live workshops. So, I kind of went back to my old days and I traveled around across the country everywhere to hold these free workshops for parents. Shelli: Well, you know what, I really love what you’re saying because it really speaks to using the tools you already have in your toolkit. There is another famous author, Danielle LaPorte, did something very similar. When she was very, very first starting out, she went, and she held meetups and so it speaks to you like your specialty was being with people and persuading people and showing them how what you have can help them. So, using that natural ability that you already had in favor of this new venture that you were doing is actually genius. Tanel: And I think these live workshops first gave me confidence that I have something to share to the parents because like every single day when I showed up, I saw people nodding their heads when I talk about these challenges, about raising kids without punishments. And afterwards, we didn’t have Q&A session for 30 minutes, but I don’t remember any of the workshops the 30 minutes of Q&A was enough. Every single time I had people coming up one-on-one to asking about their situation, asking about their challenges. So, it had definitely helped me nail down the messaging for my launch, and also helped me nail down the offer what I was going to offer with my membership, the solution of transformation and also the content, what I want to deliver to them to help them get to the transformation. Shelli: It’s brilliant. What is your best hope for what the membership site offers both in terms of I heard you speak earlier about you mentioned you were working through your own childhood stuff, what is your best and highest hope for your membership in terms of how your kids will be affected by having you be more hands-on with them? And also, how your community will be affected by what they get to share with you be in community with you about the struggles that you’re experiencing with parenthood and how you’re all working through it together? What is your best and highest hope for your membership as a service in that way? Tanel: Well, when my own mission isn’t really to just help the parents that I’m working with. I’m kind of I’m looking at least one or two generations past that because I truly think that if we’re not conscious about the parenting decisions, we tend to do the same things that were done to us. Not in a bad way, but just times have changed. The research has shown us a lot of different new studies or new findings about parenting and about raising kids and so on about how a child’s brain develops and so on. So, what I’m looking to do is change the generational patterns. Our generation is the generation were this punishment, parenting with punishments and praise or rewards, this stops here, and we start focusing on the relationship with the kids and how to influence them. And this is the generation where we change these patterns and moving forward from here like next generation or my grandkids, my great grandkids and so on will be different. Shelli: Absolutely. And then so will the world because of that, because to your point, the people that are affected in a certain way from childhood behaviors or what they perceive as traumas go on to affect who they are in the world, what they contribute in the world, and how they feel about themselves in the world. So, my absolute salute to you for this incredible work you’re doing. Tanel: For my own parents that I work with, just my best hope for them would be to have patience because this is something that I’m trying to get across that parenting isn’t a tactical thing. Parenting is I believe it was Laura Markham that I learned it from, if I remember correctly, that parenting is 80% the relationship with between the parent and the child, and 20% guiding the child. Because a lot of parents when they come to me whether they join the free Facebook group or the email or they messaged me, usually, they’re looking for a tactical fix for their issues. My hope for them is just to have patience because we need to start building the relationship before going tactical. Shelli: I love it. I love everything that you’re doing and I’m so grateful that you were able to spend this time with us and both share some incredible insights about what you’re up to, but also about your journey. One last question. If you were to give yourself advice when you first started this journey as a blogger and as a podcaster, what advice would that be with relation to where you ended up now? Tanel: I would say just if you’re confident that you can provide value, then you will find success eventually because I wanted to get into online business to work from home to support my family four years ago and I have quite a few detours and some face along the way. Looking back now, it’s easy to see, well, how these things played to my success now but when I was in the moment, it wasn’t very encouraging. So, I would say if you believe that you can provide value or even better if you have proof that you can provide value, then you will find a way eventually because I’m not Internet marketer or online business person. I don’t have any previous success in that field. Shelli: Right, but you have a heart serve and you have some information and some support that people need. Tanel: It’s so magical when you get the messaging right and then people resonate with what you have to offer. Even during the launch videos, when I had their free workshop, every single day when I had a workshop video go live, I had at least 10 to 20 people that reach out to talk about their own challenges or how the free content helped them. So, don’t shy away from helping people for free and just pay it forward. Shelli: I love it. If people are looking for you online, where’s the best place they can find you? Tanel: Well, right now my platform is in Estonia language so if they don’t speak Estonian, they can just look at the pretty visuals. I hope they’re good. Shelli: Okay. Fair. So, I tell you what, we will put that in the show notes. If you can send us the link over, we’ll make sure that people have access to that who would want to find you. Tanel: Sure. Or most platforms it’s in my first and last name in Instagram and Twitter although I’m not very active on those platforms and Facebook, same thing, my first and last name, Tanel Jappinen. Shelli: Perfect. Thank you so much for sharing your time and also thank you so much for the work that you are doing in the world because it is so, so needed. Tanel: Thank you, Shelli, for having me.
